It is painful to reflect on 2012. i can't think about where i was, but i can reflect on where i am now and where i want to be at the end of 2013.
Where am i? i am in an absolutely beautiful apartment. It feels like...me...my own, my home. i have never had a place before that shouted so completely: JENNIFER! i am in a solid job with an amazing boss and incredible employees under me. i am surrounded by friends who are surprisingly insightful, thoughtful and loving. i am in a family ward that has done a decent job so far of accepting my unique circumstance. i have space to set my own schedule...or not. i am in counseling to help me to heal and learn and grow. i am coming to terms with my new reality and with myself. i am a mess...but i'm an optimistic mess.
At first thought, the only "goal" i wanted to put on my list of resolutions was "2014." That still is something i would like to do...to survive the coming year. But as i've said before, i also want to ENJOY. i am laughing more these days. i smile easier. And it feels good! i want to give myself more reasons to smile, laugh and be happy.
Several weeks ago in a Sunday School lesson, the teacher asked about the purpose of life. i felt that the purpose of life was to be perfected--to become more like Christ. The only way to be perfected is to go through trials that will strengthen me. In other words, my life will mostly be going through trials so that i can improve.
While i still believe this, last week in the temple i received an overwhelming feeling that my Father in Heaven wants me to feel joy. Yes, i am here to learn and grow, but it's not all about the trials. God wants me to have happiness and enjoy my life as well.
That feeling has prompted me to make only one resolution for 2013. In two words:
LOVE LIFE
i am still allowed to mourn sometimes. Or be angry. Or cry. But it will be the exception, not the rule.
Is anyone else done with 2012??? Bring on the New Year!
"It's been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last..." -Counting Crows
5 comments:
Well said, Jennifer! I think that is great advice and a great goal. Striving to find what makes you happy, and then allowing yourself to be happy, is a wonderful resolution. Some days may be purely based on survival but I think that by the end of the year, those days will be rare. You are so full of energy and optimism that I know you're going to do more than just survive, you're going to thrive!
So happy to hear the good things going for you! You are truly an amazing person and I wish you all the happiness this year!
I'll see your Long December and counter with my other New Years song, "This will be my year," by Semi-sonic:
New Years Eve and it's hard to believe
Another Zodiac's gone around
While you drank yourself high on hoping
And watched the ceiling spin from the ground
Counting down from ten it's time
To make your annual prayer
Secret Santa in the sky
When will I get my share
Then you tell yourself
What you want to hear
Cause you have to believe
This will be my year
Pound your fist and cross it off your list
But you know you're not that strong
When the man at the stop light catches you
Singing along to a brand new song
Well maybe it's
Trash or the overnight smash that brings a
Ship crashing through your wall
So you can make your grand departure
From a world getting way too small
One wheel in the ditch another
Spinning in the air
Put your pedal down to the floorboards but you're not
Getting anywhere
Then you tell yourself
What you want to hear
Cause you have to believe
This will be my year
- Leon
Happy New Year to my new friend :)
:) "I am a mess... but an optimistic mess." One more reason I love you!
Happy New Year Jennifer. I hope 2013 provides the healing and spiritual growth you need, and plenty of joy and laughs as well.
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