The following story is true (names/identities have been changed/withheld to protect the involved parties from being offended and therefore dropping away from the church).
A sign-up went around in Relief Society for volunteers to make a couple dozen cookies for an upcoming Stake Relieft Society Conference. I signed up without hesitating...what a simple way to help make someone else's life easier. Then the emails started.
Snippets of an email from the Coordinator of the Conference (directly quoted, mind you):
"Ladies,
It is time to make some cookies. You will find the recipes attached. Jennifer and Caroline are making the cranberry walnut cookies. Heather and Tanya are making the chocolate chip cookies. Erika and Ashley are making the English Toffee Chocolate Cookies.
We need each of you to make 2 dozen 3 inch cookies and drop them off at the stake center on Friday night at 7 pm. If you run into a problem and can not make the cookies or drop them off please let me know and I will make other arrangements. You can package them in something disposable please. They are going to repackage the cookies in some special way."
Wow. My emailed response? "How the hell do you make a '3 inch cookie'?!" (She didn't respond to that).
Then I read the recipes (because heaven forbid I should make my OWN version of chocolate chip cookies.) Here are certain winning phrases from the recipies:
"...Beat into shortening mixture until smooth. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls (adjust amount dropped as needed to get a three inch cookie) about 2-inches apart on prepared baking sheets."
"...Place on cooling rack to cool completely. Store in airtight container when cooled."
"...Do not over bake--or you will be disappointed--cookies will become dry and crunchy."
Once again, wow. Store in an airtight container? Do not over bake? No...um...crap, Sherlock.
Then I received a follow up email instructing each baker to add one cup of chocolate chips to each recipe. Silly lady, she didn't instruct me whether I should add milk chocolate or semi-sweet! How am I supposed to make that decision on my own? (She didn't respond to that question, either).
**In the meantime** A sign up sheet was passed around for ladies to help "repackage" these cookies. But they didn't want cute little older ladies volunteering. In fact, they specifically asked only for people who knew how to tie "pretty bows." Hmm, I'm surprised there wasn't a picture of the exact type of bow they wanted tied and a clarification of what would be considered an "unpretty" bow.
Conclusion of the story, although SEVERALLY tempted to make 2.5 inch cookies on purpose, under bake them (because heaven forbid they should get dry and crunchy) and store them on an open platter, I followed the directions exactly as given.
BAM! 3 inches
And the cookies weren't even that good.
"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward."
D&C 58:26
