31 December 2014

Looking back at my year

In 2014:

i read 45 novels. i got a nickname from my niece. i watched my little sister get married. i fell in love. i fell out of love. i flipped a snowmobile over...twice. i ran through Logan canyon, Ogden canyon, Provo canyon, Red Rock canyon (NV), and Big Cottonwood canyon. i didn't miss a single night of scripture reading. i remembered how much more i love sunrises than sunsets. i learned how to set and keep boundaries. i ate more HBCs at Zupas than i can count. i found three new running buddies. i discovered the 12-step program. i killed four hobo spiders in my house. i slipped on the ice twice. i had my best roommate ever. i went to three great concerts. i hiked through Moab, Utah.

i gained a social life and a group of new and amazing friends. i sent out Christmas cards for the first time ever. i lost three toenails. i redefined my relationship with God. i finished decorating my office. i removed instagram from my life. i learned how to make beautiful snowflakes. i completely restaffed my reservation center. i developed a strong relationship with my little brother. i talked my dad into going to Jordan and Israel with me. i religiously watched every episode of "So You Think You Can Dance." i wore out three pairs of running shoes. i finished an embroidery project i started last year.

i developed a love for houseplants. i became reliant upon a sponsor. i competed in 11 races. i got addicted to Spotify. i started dating healthy men. i experienced trail running for the first time. i watched a pro baseball game in Arlington. i became obsessed with "Lake Street Dive." i bowled my best game ever.  i attended the funerals of both of my grandmothers. i journaled religiously. i had two life changing experiences. i ran more than 1,000 miles. i wandered through Yellowstone National Park. i found a photo of my paternal grandfather when he was a kid. i went to zoos in two different states.

i spoke at a recovery conference for those affected by sex addition or betrayal trauma. i wrote 31 blog posts. i didn't cut my hair once. i burned all my letters from "he who must not be named." i got caught on the security camera at work falling flat on my face. i celebrated when the cheesy bean and rice burrito ended back on the Taco Bell menu.  i decorated two Christmas trees. i had two Russian teenagers live at my house for a week. i ran through the vineyards in California. i made my dad proud. i grew to appreciate what i see when i look in the mirror.

i had a good year.

And i have this feeling that 2015 will be even better.

17 December 2014

To my someone

Dear Someone,

i miss you today. Not in the sad i-wish-i-had-a-shoulder-to-cry-on sort of way. Rather, it's in the i-have-had-a-great-day-and-want-to-share-this-feeling-with-my-someone kind of way. It's when i want to show you my new manicure, and tell you about the baby bird that i'm babysitting, and watch the snow fall with you, and feel this serenity together.

Yesterday i was watching a movie with a girlfriend and, at the very end, the protagonist looks at his wife with all the love showing in his face. It was all i could do not to rewind and watch that 5 seconds over and over.

i know (oh so clearly) that life is not like a move with perfect endings, love at first sight and grand romantic gestures overcoming all the problems in a relationship. i've said many times that i don't believe in fairy tales or "romantic comedies."

But i do believe in true love.

And some day i want to look across the room and see that same look in your eyes and on your face. A look of deep and lasting love. A look that will only come from you when you see me as i really am. My deep beauty, not the surface stuff. A look that means you love everything you see.

i can't wait to see it,


16 December 2014


i got to spend a week in Las Vegas with my family over Thanksgiving. i enjoyed the incredible weather which provided me with some gorgeous runs (including my first 20 miler!). But mostly it was about the family.

Here is what i did:

*Lots of hide and seek with Jane

Always hiding with "grandpapa"

* Spent time outside (walks, parks, baseball, running)

Spinning with Mom

Pushing Jane. She yells "Higher! Higher!"

Yes, this is how i catch a baseball

Jane would stop, get lined up and say "Ready, Set, Go!"

* Made and ate a lot of food

i was in charge of the veggie tray

Baking with Jane and Erika

She did an excellent job stirring

*Put up lights both inside and outside

Working with Dad to get things just right

Lighting the palms with Ian

Finished product

*Tried as hard as i could to get enough snuggles and tickles and kisses and hugs from my niece to make it all the way until Christmas.


i hope your holiday season is full of many happy moments.