24 March 2015

i'm burn out quick pace

i love Imagine Dragons' new album. It's my new favorite running playlist. i don't know if i could pick a favorite song, but i related to the lyrics of one song. Here are snippets of "Polaroid"

I'm a reckless mistake
I'm a cold night's intake
I'm a one night too long
I'm a come on too strong
All my life I've been living in the fast lane.
Can't slow down
I'm a rollin' freight train.
One more time
gotta start all over.
Can't slow down
I'm a lone red rover.
Oh, how did it come to this?
Oh, love is a polaroid;
Better in picture
but never can fill the void

Unfortunately, these words rang a little too true for me the first couple of times i listened to the song. i KNOW that i am an intense person. i can easily get sucked into the belief that the reason love hasn't worked out for me yet is that something is wrong with me--i live life too hard and therefore am too intimidating (or something like that).

A week or two ago i stumbled across this "affirmation:"

"Perhaps the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving."

And i started re-evaluating my thought process. i am not going to slow my life down. i will keep running and progressing and traveling and LIVING. Rita Mae Brown said "About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you."

But the clencher for me to remember is that just because i am passionate, doesn't mean that i'm unlovable.
Also, there might still be someone out there who can keep up with me...and who loves me for me. And if there is not, that is ok too.

i have been reading Brene Brown again. She always inspires me to be brave and vulnerable and embrace myself for who i am. When i read, i want to highlight almost every sentence. One of my favorite of her quotes:

"Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."

Today an incredibly good man looked me in the eyes and said, "You are a beautiful and remarkable woman." i was able to look him right back in the eyes and say, "Thank you! i appreciate that!" i was pleased to receive a compliment from someone like him...but it didn't change my self worth.

i am NOT a reckless mistake. And my story doesn't end now in "how did it come to this?" 
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