12 June 2011

Oh Baby

Maybe it's my age, maybe it's because most of my friends are Mormon or maybe i'm just surrounded by extremely fertile people, but it seems that a plethora of people around me (and those i communicate with via technology) are reproducing rather rapidly. It seems to come in waves...this is the second or third wave since i've been off my mission. With the flux in pregnant women or recent new parents surrounding me, my conversations (and therefore my thoughts) have focused on children, pregancy and babies.

This is how i really feel.

i'm happy for people that want babies and have them. i'm sad for people that want babies and don't have them. i don't like to entertain the thought of people that don't want babies and have them.

Hearing about pregnancy grosses me out. There is nothing magical or inviting when i hear about elbows in ribs, peeing when you sneeze, stretch marks and morning sickness. And everytime i hear someone whine about it, i want to refer them to the curse that God placed upon Eve and say "What did you expect...a walk in the park?"

Hearing about child birth (in any of its forms) gives me anxiety attacks. There is nothing at all remotely ok in my mind with the words bloody show, mucus plug or afterbirth. Everytime i see the word "dilate" in a facebook status, i scream out loud. Literally.

i hate holding babies. i used to blame it on the mother's hovering over me…or their floppy heads…or that they are so fragile…or that i might make them cry. But the truth is that i am quite comfortable holding a baby in and of itself…i really don't mind if it fusses and i know how to keep their heads steady. The real issue is what people say when i hold a baby. They spout off things like "You are a natural!" or "You look so good with that baby!" or "You'll make an excellent mother!" or "Doesn't that make you want to have a baby?" Now i feel like i can't even LOOK at a child for fear of these comments coming my way and having to refute them. Can't i enjoy someone else's child without yearning for one of my own?

It's very discouraging when people ask if i am pregnant. Just because i wear an empire waist one day doesn't mean i'm pregnant. Just because i have to use the bathroom multiple times doesn't mean i'm pregnant (i just drank a lot of water). Just because i think a baby outfit is cute doesn't mean i'm pregant. And it doesn't mean i'm pregnant if i say i'm not feeling well, or get emotional during a movie, or crave something salty, or say that i didn't sleep well the night before. Please, stop asking. It's quite damaging to my self esteem and may make me believe i'm obese which would lead to anorexia (i couldn't result to bulemia because then they would cry "Morning sickness!")

The absolute worst is when people ask me when i am going to start trying to have children. They just assume that since i've been married for 2.5 years i'm itching for posterity. i want to shout out "It's none of your business!" Sometimes i have to bite my tongue hard in order to keep from uttering a completely inappropriate comment such as "Well, we are trying really hard, but for some reason my birth control keeps me from getting knocked up!"

So, for the present, let me set some ground rules. Don't ask me if i'm preggo and don't ask me about reproducing. Although i love you dearly, please don't be offended if i make faces and moan in pain and complain of my ears bleeding if you choose to speak to me about your birthing experience or the "joys" of pregnancy. And, if you include any details of the above topics in your "status," the comment "UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!" is probably from me :)

7 comments:

Jake and Katie Schwabedissen said...

Thank you Jennifer. That was one of the most refreshingly honest blog posts that I have read in a long time!

Grace said...

Oh, Jennifer, I love your posts! I promise to never bug you about kids, but I can't promise to not complain about pregnancies or kids when it's such a big part of my life. But I feel your pain. People now ask, "so, do you want another one? When is he going to have a little brother or sister?" To which I respond with a firm "NO. I have no idea when we'll have another, all I know is I want one." And that ends the conversation satisfactorily. ;)

Katie C. said...

Amen! I like my short haircut, and I most definitely didn't get it because I'm pregnant. I do love babies though, and I also love handing them back to their parents.

Ben and Melissa Brunson said...

Oh dear, I believe I fit into some of your categories, sorry. I try not to talk to much about it because I already knew your feelings about the subject. Hope I haven't bothered you too much.

7aura7 said...

Well my dear, I'm happy to report that I'm NOT pregnant, and I'm NOT dilated, and there are no elbows in my ribs, and my aches and pains are pretty non-existent these days...

Wah-hoo! Wah-hoo! Wah-hoo! (that is supposed to read that like Daffy Duck when he's running around yelling it) I dare you to find someone who loves not being pregnant as much as me... wait, I guess that would be you :)

Anonymous said...

Jennifer, thank you for this! Next time someone asks me when it's going to my turn, or if I have baby fever yet, I will gladly refer them to this blog. :)
Alex

Kate Call said...

So when u gonna have a baby?? :). Xo