Mr B and i have been dating for just over a year.
It has been a slow, building, challenging, lovely, scary, exciting year of starting a relationship. And really, all we have done is lay the foundation. We still haven't decided whether or not to build a family on that foundation. But i have learned so much about myself, about love and about healthy relationships in the year we have had together.
"People talk so much about some ideal perfect love that is effortless and easy; a love that you just 'fall into.' Well in my opinion, that's just a bunch of bologna and not realistic at all. TRUE love takes a lot of hard work! It's not about falling into it, it's about BUILDING IT UP."
i have said time and again on this blog, in my journal and in my conversations that i do NOT want a fairy tale. i want reality. i think during this past year i realized what it is that i want. i want a true, stable, firm, immovable love. Not infatuation. Something that isn't felt; something that is built and created and nurtured. Something that is a daily decision.
"People have defined love in their heads as a feeling...This 'burning felling' of love, though, is infatuation, and infatuation does not last. Infatuation is not love. Infatuation is immature. It's easy. It doesn't require anything of you. Love requires everything of you. Love requires sacrifice and work and diligence and faithfulness. It is not an easy emotion."
It is a scary business, love. It is vulnerable. It is being real and raw and emotionally naked. There are no guarantees. Which means, i could get hurt.
"Loving someone is a process. Whether that's God, or that's another sticky human, it's a process. The movies will say it's something different but--no matter how instant that first draw to someone is--love is a building process. It's doors unlocking. It's windows breaking. It's the discovery of new rooms inside of yourself. It's the dark. And it's the light. And it's dark and light all scrambled into one. At the root of it, it's a slow, trusting, building process that starts with letting someone in."
i don't know what the future brings. i don't know how long Mr B will be in my life. There are so many factors out of my control (and many out of his) that it would be impossible to surmise. But i do have control of me and my actions. And i am choosing to continue to invest in, work toward, and build up a relationship with this amazing man.
"True love is not something you fall in, but grow in. It is not happenstance as much as something you control, choose and act upon."
-Lynn G Robbins
Each day i feel myself pulled out of my comfort zone. Isn't that where we grow and become better people? i want someone who will stretch me to be better and work harder and fly higher.
"People don't fall in love; you pick someone with whom you can create the love you desire."