"What wonderful thing didn't start out scary?" Isaac Marion

Mr B and i have been dating for just over a year. 

It has been a slow, building, challenging, lovely, scary, exciting year of starting a relationship. And really, all we have done is lay the foundation. We still haven't decided whether or not to build a family on that foundation. But i have learned so much about myself, about love and about healthy relationships in the year we have had together.

"People talk so much about some ideal perfect love that is effortless and easy; a love that you just 'fall into.' Well in my opinion, that's just a bunch of bologna and not realistic at all. TRUE love takes a lot of hard work! It's not about falling into it, it's about BUILDING IT UP." 

-Jacy Boyack

i have said time and again on this blog, in my journal and in my conversations that i do NOT want a fairy tale. i want reality. i think during this past year i realized what it is that i want. i want a true, stable, firm, immovable love. Not infatuation. Something that isn't felt; something that is built and created and nurtured. Something that is a daily decision.

"People have defined love in their heads as a feeling...This 'burning felling' of love, though, is infatuation, and infatuation does not last. Infatuation is not love. Infatuation is immature. It's easy. It doesn't require anything of you. Love requires everything of you. Love requires sacrifice and work and diligence and faithfulness. It is not an easy emotion." 

-Scott Braithwaite

It is a scary business, love. It is vulnerable. It is being real and raw and emotionally naked. There are no guarantees. Which means, i could get hurt.

"Loving someone is a process. Whether that's God, or that's another sticky human, it's a process. The movies will say it's something different but--no matter how instant that first draw to someone is--love is a building process. It's doors unlocking. It's windows breaking. It's the discovery of new rooms inside of yourself. It's the dark. And it's the light. And it's dark and light all scrambled into one. At the root of it, it's a slow, trusting, building process that starts with letting someone in." 

-Hannah Brencher

i don't know what the future brings. i don't know how long Mr B will be in my life. There are so many factors out of my control (and many out of his) that it would be impossible to surmise. But i do have control of me and my actions. And i am choosing to continue to invest in, work toward, and build up a relationship with this amazing man. 

"True love is not something you fall in, but grow in. It is not happenstance as much as something you control, choose and act upon." 

-Lynn G Robbins

Each day i feel myself pulled out of my comfort zone. Isn't that where we grow and become better people? i want someone who will stretch me to be better and work harder and fly higher.

"People don't fall in love; you pick someone with whom you can create the love you desire." 

-Susan Bednar

i'm glad Mr B is in my life. Right now, i pick him.

Twenty-15

In twenty-15:

i read 64 books. i ran my first full marathon (then  ran two more after that). i hiked 98 miles. i buried my little parakeet. i rode a camel through Petra, Jordan. i fell in love with family history. i watched a meteor shower, several thunderstorms and an eclipse. i became the Aunt of a wonderful new nephew. i took a three day backpacking trip through back country Yellowstone. i spoke at a coworker’s funeral. i visited Cedar Breaks National Monument. i lost both of my big toenails. i learned how to make red velvet cake. i started a new journal. i visited my ancestor’s graves (back four generations).

i made Thanksgiving dinner for my dad. i floated in the Dead Sea. i watched or listened to almost every single BYU Football game. i made and canned choke cherry syrup, pear jam and applesauce. i saw 40 different waterfalls. i became a Brene Brown fanatic.  i helped plant a garden. i attended devotional at BYU-Idaho almost every Tuesday. i ran 6 half marathons. i wandered over and under the streets of Jerusalem. i attended an outdoor symphony production of “Fantasia.” i didn’t buy a single pair of stilettos. i memorized the serenity prayer. i hired and trained 15 employees.

i took family names all the way through the temple. i went kayaking for the first time. i facilitated a 12-Step Women's Trauma Recovery group. i soaked in a natural hot spring in the middle of the night in the middle of back country Yellowstone with the full blue moon above me. i painted my nails almost every single week. i spent a day hiking through Bryce Canyon. i attended General Conference for the first time. i kissed a man with a mustache. i chaired two “youth culture” events for the International Dance and Music Festival. i prayed on the shores of the Sea of Galilee.  i picked boxes and boxes of apples.  i ran 250 racing miles this season. i started teaching a Sunday School class. i cut down my own Christmas tree.

i turned 30 years old.  i talked to my niece on FaceTime at least 3 times a week. i rarely missed a week of attending the temple. i went scuba diving in the Red Sea.  i developed a relationship with an amazing man (outcome TBD). i got a goldfish for my office. i trail ran around Jenny Lake in Teton National Park.  i spent two weeks in the middle east. i finished reading the Bible from cover to cover. i did yoga on the top of the double O Arch in Moab, Utah. i reorganized my entire bookcase by color. i paid off my Mini Cooper. i fell during a night run and turned both of my legs black and blue with bruises. i went cross country skiing in -14 degree weather.

i wrote 49 blog posts.  i drank tea in front of a fire at a Bedouin camp in the middle of the Wadi Rum, Jordan. i danced in the rain. i grew infinitely more patient. i ran three ultra relays (upwards of 35 miles each time). i got addicted to the Strawberry Starburst Freeze at Taco Bell. i watched my parents go through a divorce. i took way too many selfies. i hit my seven year anniversary of working for the Salt Lake Express. i raced in 4 different states.  i propagated almost all of my houseplants. i fought off IT band tendinitis as well as shin splints. i became known for my intricate braids.

Ok, twenty-16, let's see what you've got. Bring it on. Let's do this.

See you on the flip side.

Thanksgiving

Now that Christmas is over...i guess i should post about Thanksgiving!

It was just me and my dad, but i did NOT skimp on the amount of food. We had a full feast.

Prepping the turkey

Berry Apple Pie

The Spread

 While my dad was there, we put up Christmas lights on my apartment, went and cut down my Christmas tree and made wreaths for my porch and for Mr. B's door.

We found it!

Pretty tree

My boss let me drive his *ridiculous* truck to haul my tree

Wreath for my back porch with tree leftovers

Decorated Tree

Homemade book page ornaments

Mr B's festive door

See my "book tree?"

10 little wishes

In a perfect world...

*Taco Bell would deliver.

*Roads would be water resistant.

*Feet would never itch once they were in a pair of calf high boots.

*Chocolate wouldn't have any more calories than celery (or celery would taste like chocolate).

*Everybody would use their turn signals.

*Computers would never freeze.

*Snow wouldn't be quite so wet.

*Five hours of sleep would leave persons feeling refreshed and ready for the day.

*Nylons would not run.

*The Beatles would be on Spotify.

Sameness

"It's so cliche to talk about all the things that changed over the course of a year. Why doesn't anybody talk about the things that never changed?

Here's to everyone who tried to change and failed miserably."

(Ifyoufindthisemail)

It's about time

Lately, for some reason, i have received a lot of spam phone calls for all sorts of bologna. But what is so bothersome to me isn't really the call itself. After all, it only takes a moment to hang up the phone. i am annoyed because many of them are asking for "Mrs. Olson" or "Jennifer Olson."

BARF!

i have much gratitude that i am no longer an Olson. And yet, my blog is still under that name. So it's time for a change.

i'm not exactly sure how all of this works, but if you are following my blog, i'm changing the URL next week. It will now be found under:

www.starglazeduniverse.blogspot.com

Come find me there!

Bryce Canyon

When we were down in St George for my marathon in October, Mr B and i stopped by Cedar Breaks on our way back north. It gave me a desire to visit Bryce Canyon, but i didn't think that it was going to happen this year.

And then, a couple of weeks ago, one Tuesday night we were discussing our weekend plans. For some reason, i suggested driving to southern Utah to Bryce Canyon that weekend. Not really expecting Mr B to take me seriously, i was shocked when he said, "Well....I'd just have to be back for my meetings on Sunday morning..."

So we went!

 We drove down to Provo on Friday after work. Saturday morning, we woke up early and finished the trip, arriving mid-morning to the canyon. Mr B had never been there. i was sooo excited for him to see it, that i was bouncing for most of our drive.

looking out over Inspiration Point

We spent the first couple of hours at the different lookout points, getting a view of the amphitheater from above and enjoying a picnic lunch. 

Dusting of snow

Although i had visited, i had never hiked down among the hoodoos. After some research, i had selected a 7 mile hike for us that looped in a figure 8 and combined three of the "best trails" in that part of the park. We were pretty stoked as we dropped down into the slot-like canyons. It didn't take us long to realize that you can't grasp the magnitude of the place until you get down inside and hike around the amphitheater.

There were some other hikers (especially at the very start of the hike) but it was pretty empty for the most part. It was chilly during the day, with the high temperature peaking in the mid40s. But with the beautiful sunshine (and our fairly strenuous hike) we were just fine.

The most surprising thing to me was how interesting and different every mile of the hike was. Sometimes we were right next to the hoodoos and the trees:

Sometimes we were in narrow slot canyons between fins:

Sometimes we were going through tunnels:

And, sometimes those tunnels led us to look out over fabulous vistas:

Besides that, the hike was very up and down and windy, which kept it engaging and exciting.

Looking down on the switchbacks we just climbed

We took sooo many pictures because we were both blown away by the unique beauty of the place. In the end, we finally realized a camera was never going to capture it.

After our hike, we went out to "Bryce Overlook" which was the best one of the park. We bundled up, got ourselves our picnic dinner and watched the sunset.

Then we bundled up even more (man did it get cold!) and hunkered down to watch the stars come out. The milky way appeared in the sky above us. We both saw several brightly shooting stars and saw the moon set. It was cold, clear and stunningly beautiful. When we were sufficiently frozen, we trooped back to the car and drove back to Provo for the night.

Based on the storm the swept into the west this week, that will be our last non-snow related adventure of the year. i'm so grateful we had a chance to do one last spontaneous hike together in a magnificent place.