Blessings

Amazing things are happening in my life.

Horribly difficult.

Extremely painful.

Time consuming.

Emotionally exhausting.

Amazing.

It started with going to Camp Scabs. Along with eleven other ladies (including our host, Jane) i disappeared from the world to a cabin in Island Park for a couple of days.

And it was lovely

We were all spouses/ex spouses of sex addicts. We left the craziness that our lives have become to enter a place of honesty, openness, safety and healing. There was no judgment. There was much tears, laughter, understanding and bonding.

Blessed to have these women in my life

These are now my sisters. I have yet to go more than two days without being in contact with one of them. How did i not realize beforehand how much i need them in my life?

But what really happened at camp was telling my story. i had told it before (on this blog even) but for the first time in front of people that i didn't know at all but who i knew would understand me in a deeper way than anyone else had before. And what came out of my mouth shocked me. Pain. Anguish. Wounds. Tears. Things that i thought were gone and healed. Things that i didn't even realized had hurt me in the first place.  Parts of my story that had never been uttered to anyone else. Not even in my journals. Not even to myself.

As i sat, surrounded by these amazing women, i realized that i was in need of help. Going to therapy certainly had been helping me. Reading my scriptures was good for my spirit. But it wasn't enough. i needed the balm that these women provided--a support system.

And so i decided to take a new step. It was scary, but necessary.

i went to my first S-Anon meeting. Not only that, but i asked for a sponsor.

Having a sponsor is pushing me to grow in ways i never realized that i could. i am finding myself engrossed in study and prayer and meditation and writing. i read and highlight and underline and reread and then start all over again. The resources that i have been given by my sponsor are inspired.

Personal Study at Island Park

i am reaching out and reaching upward and reaching inward. The honesty and humility that are necessary for true healing HURT. It is going to be a long road (there will be many more posts about recovery, i am sure) but i am ENCOURAGED.

Camp Swag (buy your own here)

i will make it. So will my sisters. See, we are a strong bunch. We have to BE BRAVE! And we do have fire in our spirits.

At the Top of the World with my sisters