It's a-me, Mario!

Happy Halloween!

At the Halloween symphony concert

i hope you had as much fun as we did

Little Things

In the last few weeks:

*i woke up in the morning to a roomful of clean, cold, rain drenched air. It smelled like leaves and coming icicles and Autumn.

*While driving through rolling farmland, the fluffy white clouds in the sky left beautiful patterns of shadows all across the fields.

*A little sparrow sat on the outside windowsill of my kitchen window. It was sleeping in the sunlight, all fluffed up on the warm bricks.

*The trees lining my work parking lot changed from vivid green to a brilliant yellow. The leaves started changing at the very top of the tree and have progressively worked their way down.

*A tiny spider crawled across my porch railing, laid down a thin thread and then let go from the railing. i watched it drift away from the porch, catching a breeze i couldn't sense, with its glistening gossamer thread trailing behind it.

Magical. i love this world. i love this season.

"The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper."
-W.B. Yeats

Defining "Good"

One of my favorite bloggers posted today with the title 'Defining Good.' Her post is neither here nor there with mine...except for the title.

When i saw those two words, i thought of all the times a day that i am asked "How are you?" and the automatic reply is "i'm fine" or "i'm good." But how i am is so much deeper than "good." In different times in my life, that "good" has meant:

*i'm barely hanging on
*i'm exhausted
*i'm a nervous wreck
*i'm so excited i can barely contain myself
*i'm struggling
*i'm loving life
*i'm overwhelmed
*i'm content

i thought that today i would define what "good" for me is right now. It's October. It's one of my favorite times of the year. This is how i am doing:

*i'm mourning the end of summer. Usually all i do is revel in the Autumn. And i do still love it (more on that to come) but this summer has been absolutely golden. The reality of it ending is hitting hard. On our way home from southern Utah, we drove up to a National Monument called "Cedar Breaks."

When i mentioned that it reminded me of Bryce Canyon, Mr B told me that he had never been there! i knew he would love it and we started talking about taking a trip to see it. Then we both realized that the holidays were almost upon us and then it would be snowy winter. Even at the beginning of early October, i found myself freezing as we visited that over look.

That sun in the distance! ::gorgeous::

Although i'm sure we will have plenty of amazing winter adventures together (especially since Mr B cross country skies!!) i am truly sad to have the summer end.

* That being said, i am honestly enjoying my October. i love when the trees change colors and have been leaf collecting.

Ian was up visiting this weekend and we spent Saturday morning picking apples (Sidenote: for a couple of weeks Mr B and i have been drying apples and making juice and applesauce). Saturday afternoon i got to sit on the bank of the river and watch Ian and Mr B fly fishing.

Mr B's mad fishing skills

Then we huddled by a fire while roasting dinner and dessert under a sky full of stars. Sunday morning, we enjoyed a breakfast of warm applesauce and hot chocolate, still bundled up in slippers and pjs while the cold Autumn air blew in through all of the open windows. i really do love this season.

* i'm not running very much. This is slightly discouraging since i love the fall weather and know that all too soon i will be confined to an indoor track. Ever since my last half marathon, i have had a pretty major pain in my right leg. i only ran about 20 miles total between that half and the St George marathon. And i honestly didn't even know the night before if i should run in the full. Since then i haven't run again (i know...it's only been just over a week, but it seems like an eternity for me). i don't know if i am struggling with shin splints, a stress fracture or just over exertion. Either way, it's a nagging worry in the back of my mind (and pain in my leg!) that won't go away. And i miss the therapy that running provides for me.

* i'm working very hard on my spiritual development and with my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. i was able to attend a session of the General Conference of my church for the first time ever. It's broadcast across the world every 6 months, but this time i was able to go to Salt Lake City and sit among the lucky 22,000 members who were in the conference center at Temple Square.

Nosebleed, but that's ok!

There were so many talks that stuck out to me (thank you President Nelson for encouraging STRONG women who aren't afraid to stand up for what they believe). Along with my older sister, and now Mr B as well, i have taken the challenge suggested in conference to ponder a different scripture each week--to put it in a visible place, read it, memorize it and talk about it for the duration of the week. i have stuck the scripture to my computer at work, my mirror and home and made it the homescreen on my phone. It's only been 2 weeks and i already feel my spirit being strengthened for having a continual focus on the things of God.

* i am getting ready for Halloween! My house is all decorated, the Edward Scissorhand soundtrack is playing on Spotify, Mr B is growing a mustache for costume purposes and we did some pumpkin carving.

 * i am processing through anxiety about the future. Developing a relationship with Mr B is very vulnerable. As our lives get ever more intertwined, i have to face my shame messages, my trauma and my fears. (What if we don't work out? i'm probably not good enough for him. What if he hurts me like i have been hurt so many times in the past?)

It is requiring me to constantly reground myself. My deep truths are on repeat to replace the faulty core beliefs. My mantras include-- i AM enough. My happiness does not depend on Mr B or anyone else. My self worth does not depend on my relationship status.

i am working toward mindfulness. Every day i focus on leaning into the uncomfortable, embracing the joy of the moment and finding gratitude in the connection that comes from vulnerability.

It's thrilling and scary and exciting and nerve wracking and comfortable and uncomfortable and all sorts of delicious to be with him.

 So how am i?

i'm good! Really and truly good.

Pumpkins

The Harry Potter soundtracks are playing at work today. It was 22 degrees this morning and i had to scrape ice off of my windshield.

We had a work party with baked potatoes, chili, and pumpkin carving.

Happy. Happy. Happy.

Jack 0'lanterns at our work pary

Me with my two assistant managers

High on October

i had a pumpkin flavored Jamba Juice this morning ::giggle::

My girl friends baked apple pie with me this week. It tasted as good as it looked.

My friends came over to watch "Arsenic and Old Lace" which is one of my FAVORITE "Halloween" movies of all time. i love Peter Lorre. i LOVE Carey Grant. i love LOVE Frank Capra. If you haven't seen it yet, please promise me you will find it and watch it!

But one of my favorite things about this month has been running through and walking through and crunching and gathering and looking at the gorgeous leaves.

There are only one and a half weeks left. i have the best Halloween costume idea and can't WAIT.

Things to Do when you are sad in October

* Listen to Halloween music (today it's the "Corpse Bride" soundtrack)
* Eat a honey crisp apple
* Hang lights around the house--all orange and purple
* Wear a big soft sweater (i feel like i'm wearing a hug)
* Buy a pumpkin
* Cry
* Sleep in a pile of blankets
* Drink hot chocolate
* Snuggle with a kitty
* Visit the library
* Walk (or run) down a tree-lined street
* Brew some coffee and breath deep
* Watch an "October" musical (yesterday it was "Phantom of the Opera")

i was very sad the last few days and did ALL of those things.

They help :)

It's finally here!

Yesterday October started. The leaves are barely starting to change and pumpkins are starting to decorate people's porches. For me it was a day full of leggings and boots, hot chocolate, hot bubble baths, windows open with the cold filling the house, and snuggling into bed with an Autumn book. 

Plus, for the first time in my life, i started October with a nice 10 mile run. i want to get in as many crisp outdoor miles as i can before i end up on the indoor track.

Tonight will bring tomato soup and grilled cheese, Halloween decorations and another 8 miles.

i love you, October.

Running through the Fall

i know it's not October yet, but yesterday was the first day of Autumn. My favorite season. It's still a little warm here (although we have had a day or two where i wore leggings and drank hot chocolate) but i know the fall will be over all too soon.

"Fall has always been my favorite season. The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale." -Lauren DeStefano


i had one last summer race before Autumn arrived. And it was a big one. My second Ragnar of the year.

Ragnar Napa Valley: From San Fransisco to Calistoga. 205 mile relay race. i only knew one person on the team and she ended up in the other van, so it was an adventure and a perfect opportunity to make some brand new friends.

i got all "dolled up" for the race.

After driving all day on Thursday and sleeping for about 5 hours in a hotel that night, my team met up at the start line in San Fransisco to send off runner #1.

i was in van #2 which means that we had about 6 hours to wait until we sent our runner off. It also meant that my first leg was in the blazing heat of the afternoon. i got to run 6.6 miles up a very long hill with no shade and no way for my van to stop and assist me. i was sweaty and overheated, but happy to be out and running.

By the time our last runner finished, the sun was setting and we decided to try to get some sleep before our legs in the middle of the night. We pushed all the seats down in the van and thought we would all be able to sleep on the floor. It wasn't the most comfortable and all of us slept except for most of us. i don't think i even got 30 mins of rest.

After not sleeping, our van took over the middle of the night shifts. My second leg started around 3am. i wish i had gotten some sort of photo documentation, but i was honestly too tired to think about it. It was a stunning run. i ran 8.3 miles through a heavy fog. It was dark and the roads were deserted. The leg started in Santa Rosa and ran out into the country. Even though i could see very little, my head lamp illuminated the way enough that i could tell i was running down tree lined lanes with vines dripping down into the road. When i finished, i was soaked to the bone and unable to tell what was sweat and what was dampness from the humid humid air.

Once our final runner finished, we were all struggling to keep our eyes open (and some runners had completely given up). The last runner finished as the sun rose and we knew we had to sleep before the third round of legs. So we found a field at our next exchange point where many other Ragnarians were spread out sleeping. i never thought that i would be so happy to plop my sleeping down in the middle of the dirt. i got about 2 stunningly beautiful hours of sleep.

My third leg was brutal. It started at 2 in the afternoon. There was a 100 degree heat index. i was running through the rolling vineyards of Napa Valley which offered very little shade. And once again, because of the course, my van was unable to support me. It is one thing to run 11.4 miles, but quite another to do it in the heat of a California day with only 16 ounces of water, after very little sleep and having already run so many miles. My van passed me when i was about 2 miles in and i hollered at them to chuck me a water bottle to dump over my head. i was already burning up. But the landscape was absolutely stunning and the other runners on the road were so supportive. They helped keep me going.

 

i have never been as happy to see a sign in my life

When i reached the exchange and sent off the next runner, i started to cry. i had never had a more physically demanding task in my life. i was so overcome that i had finished and so grateful and so emotionally and physically exhausted. Ragnar volunteers handed each runner finishing that leg a present. It was a sweat band with embroidery that said "Ragnar Napa Valley. Leg 34- 11.4 miles. Eternal Glory!" Maybe it was just a little thing, but i was so grateful that they acknowledged how hard that last run really was.

After running 26.3 miles in about 26 hours

Our team of pretty amateur runners didn't do so bad! We finished in 35:08:15.7 In other words, 35 hours, 8 minutes and 15.7 seconds.

We pretty much felt like rockstars

When i finished i was trying to figure out why the races aren't getting easier! i mean, i'm running so many miles and yet every time i compete, i feel like it's the hardest thing i've done! Then i realized it's because i keep pushing myself. Faster, longer, harder in each race. i am getting stronger. And the training continues. 

i don't have a race in October because MONEY, but i am looking forward to some LONG Autumn runs through my cool and flat Idaho.

Goodbye, October

It was a divine month. Halloween feels to me like the last parting shot. And my family goes all out. Here we are:

Charlie Brown Dad
"I got a rock."

Ariel Stephanie
Guest starring Flounder and Sebastian

Mad Scientist Erika

Angelic Jennifer

THE BEST FOR LAST

BO as Snow White
Cutest Jane Princess EVER!

October Love: I never get over it

All this on a 5 minute walk from my doorstep.

"Autumn...the year's last, loveliest smile." -William Cullen Bryant

October Love: Final Installment

There was no big Halloween party for me to attend or throw this year  ::disappointment:: so i didn't come up with a whole new exciting costume. But i couldn't let the season pass and NOT dress up. Therefore, i went to the ward "trunk or treat" with a little fairy sparkle.

Beedle dee dee dee dee...Two Faires

The pictures are of me by myself because, although my sister had a BRILLIANT costume (Juno), she is opposed to anyone seeing pictures of her while she is pregnant. At least i stole someone else's baby for one picture :)

October Love: Part Five

i despise horror movies. They make my skin crawl, they give me nightmares and they chase the Spirit away. Even thrillers or intense movies i end up watching through my fingers with my hands up over my face. Even so, i quite enjoy much of "Halloween Media."

This month i have seen the following movies:
Corpse Bride
The Birds
Arsenic and Old Lace
Sweeney Todd

I have listened to these soundtracks several times:
Little Shop of Horrors
Sweeney Todd
Jekyll and Hyde

And this month i have read the following Halloween-ish type books:
"The Graveyard Book" Neil Gaiman
"Something Wicked This Way Comes" Ray Bradbury
"Dracula" Bram Stoker
"Phantom Tollbooth" Norton Juster (there really was nothing Halloweeny about this except the title)
"Witch of Blackbird Pond" Elizabeth George Speare

AND...my ring tone is the theme song from Harry Potter. Sometimes i don't want to answer my phone because i just want to listen to it ring...

October Love: Part Four

"...i recall Central Park in fall..."



The last picture i took looking out of my bedroom window where i spent my last two nights in the Big Apple.