Just when i begin feeling confident that the hardest is over, i enter a different stage in my grieving/recovery process and all the stability i felt like i had explodes. This time might be the hardest yet. Nothing happened, really, except i realized how very alone i am-- and how much i hate it. And the emotional rollercoaster ride continues.
As i have been going back and editing my novel, i tend to slip into a layer of self pity; it's hard to see what i had (or thought i had), let alone imagine what i could have had (or think i could have had). i grieve that this is the story of my life so far.
Then i heard this song. i bought it right away and it has been on replay either on my phone or in my mind for the last 48 hours.
Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
"Someone tell me when
I can start again,
And rewrite this story.
How long can I stay
Lost without a way to rewrite?
I wish I could rewrite this story.
---
Change every word of every line;
Write any story but mine.
---
Someone tell me when
Can I start again
And rewrite this story.
How long can I stay
Lost without a way to rewrite?
Rewrite,
I wish I could rewrite this story."
Pity party is over-- I promise. More of my story (which i cannot rewrite and i am coming to accept that) to come in the next two days...
4 comments:
Wow, I love those voices. Thanks for sharing.
I can't imagine how many stages of grief/healing you're going through, but I hope this one resolves quickly. I'm so sorry. <3 Call me if you want to talk.
I have always likened grieving to a marathon rather than a sprint...it's a process and it can't be fast-forwarded. But one thing that has been true throughout human history is that we DO heal...
I have read a few of your posts and thing song came to my mind
----------------------------------
Love, love will come find you
Just to remind you of who you are
Love, it will forsake you
Threaten to break you,
take what you got
Everybody laughs, everybody cries
Sure it can hurt you, baby
But give it a little try
See that's the thing about love
Friends, sometimes will blind you
Sneak up behind you,
you can't give enough
Then life, it will embrace you
Totally amaze you,
so you don't give up
Everybody laughs, everybody cries
Sure it can hurt you, baby
But give it a little try
See that's the thing about love
Oh, tell me that I'm not the only one
that's going through it all
Oh, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that's going through it all
But it's time, oh it's time
For me to shine, hey
It's about time, oh it's time
For me to shine
It's my time, said it's my time
For me to shine
Said it's about time, it's about time
For me to shine
Everybody laughs, everybody cries
Sure it can hurt you baby
But give it a little try
That's the thing about love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr-bXl3SXYc
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Please don't feel like a victim. I promise, some day, you'll feel grateful for the things you have learned, even from the unexpected.
"The unexpected life is no less a life" Kristen M. Oaks
@Anon--
::tear::
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
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