04 October 2012

"But I miss you most of all, my darling, when Autumn leaves start to fall"

Forgive me one more emotional/slightly depressing post, but I have to throw this out there.

I love Autumn. Something about it speaks to my soul: the colors, smells, food, weather. Crunching leaves, baking, wearing scarves and sweaters.

I met Jake in the fall (8 years ago this month). It seemed fitting.

Last night I had a very vivid dream that Jake and I were yelling at each other. As I drifted awake, I didn't know where I was or why Jake wasn't next to me. I remembered I was at Erika's without Jake. Literally reaching for my phone, I groggily thought, "I need to call him and tell him I love him." Then it hit me all of the sudden. I am not here on vacation. Jake is divorcing me. That feeling of wanting to say "I love you" and despair at realizing I can't anymore lingers...

I miss you. Especially in the fall.

5 comments:

Anna said...

Oh Jennifer. I wish I could put into words what I feel as well as you do. This makes me want to wrap you in a hug and shed some tears with you. I hope you know that you alone have made a great difference in my life and I am grateful for you being in my life.

7aura7 said...

I wish I could be a shoulder for you to cry on, and I would cry with you. <3

Grace said...

Do you remember when Jake was deployed and you came over one night b/c you needed someone to hug? I wish we were closer to you so I could do that for you again if you needed it. I love you so much Jennifer.

Tara Johnson said...

I love you Jennifer! If you need a little get-a-way come to Colorado! I promise lots of hugs and lots of fun!

Debbie said...

:( Makes my heart ache for you! I'm so sorry you have to go through that Jennifer! :( :( :(