A Quarter of a Year

We just hit 3 months married.

 

I also just finished rereading "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy. These things are connected because of this amazing quote from the book that quite accurately describes where I am at:

"Levin had been married three months. He was happy, but not at all in the way he had expected to be. At every step he found his former dreams disappointed, and new, unexpected surprises of happiness. He was happy; but on entering upon family life he saw at every step that it was utterly different from what he had imagined. At every step he experienced what a man would experience who, after admiring the smooth, happy course of a little boat on a lake, should get himself into that little boat. He saw that it was not all sitting still, floating smoothly; that one had to think too, not for an instant to forget where one was floating; and that there was water under one, and that one must row; and that his unaccustomed hands would be sore; and that it was only to look at it that was easy; but that doing it, though very delightful, was very difficult."

Anger

Things that make me instantly irate:

*Over sexualized hamburger commercials.

*Someone tailgating me (especially when I'm not going under the speed limit).

*When customers are rude and entitled--and especially when they don't treat me like a human being.

*When I get my orange all peeled and it smells SO good, and then I bite into it and it's dry and unflavorful.

*When people name their children stupid, made up names or spell normal name retarded.

*When I get half way through dinner and realize that even with meal planning and grocery shopping, I forgot an essential ingredient.

*Hearing a song on the radio that I love and when I pull it up on Spotify to add to my playlist, I find out it has the "f" word in it (which was edited out on the radio).

*After saying "Hi, I'm Jennifer!" the person responds by automatically calling me "Jenn."

*Stubbing my toe.

*Waking up 20 mins before my alarm goes off.

Lyrics that speak to me

When I heard Hilary Weeks perform this song a couple of weeks ago, I had tears streaming down my face. I imagined myself when I was 19 and first met my ex and how I thought I knew where my life would go from there. I imagined myself when I was 27 and going through a divorce and how I thought I knew where my life would go from THERE. And then I looked around at where I was NOW....and I understood exactly what this song meant:

"I had it all mapped out in front of me, knew just where I wanted to go.
But life decided to change my plans and I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way to move it, so I searched for a way around.
Broken-hearted I started climbing and at the top I found-- 

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view:

Now that I'm here I would never trade the grace that I feel and the faith that I find through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.
I used to pray He'd take it all away but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it and I thought about turning around.
But Heaven has shown me miracles I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine because there's one thing that I know--He picks up the pieces along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view:

Now that I'm here I would never trade the grace that I feel and the faith that I find through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.
I used to pray He'd take it all away but instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak"
(listen to the song here)

Splash of color

Saturday I finally moved my stuff into what was Mr B's kitchen and is now OUR kitchen. (Don't judge that it took me so long!)

A pattern soon became apparent as my stuff ended up next to his.

Guess which casserole dish is mine?

And which stack of towels?

Picking up on the pattern?

I know which plates that *I* would grab :)

Apparently, SOMEONE had to add some color to Mr B's plain white world.

I'm so glad that someone is me.

Uncertain

I've been baffled as to what to do with this blogging space of mine. During my morning runs, I write and rewrite posts in my head. Then, later, I either decide that I didn't have enough oxygen when composing, or I just don't take the time to actually type it.

Consequently, I get behind on the things that I want to share, which means I don't post about the things happening NOW because I really DO want to post about all the things that happened last week, and last month, and the month before that.

For example, I haven't shared about our adventures to Zion and hiking Angel's Landing:

Or when my nephew came to play with me:

I didn't share anything about our latest trip to Yellowstone:

Then there was the day my niece and I had matching hair:

And now I have a NEW niece and nephews with whom to go adventuring:

+

Even though we haven't hiked as much, we made it to the top of Table Mountain, up by the Tetons:

And even though we haven't raced as much, we did get handed medals by Storm Troopers at the end of our last half marathon:

Not to mention, I now have our ENTIRE honeymoon, loads of wedding pictures (and I never even shared all of my favorite engagement pictures!)

So where do I go from here? What do YOU want to see? Honeymoon? Wedding? Confessions of an adjusting new (and older) wife? What's going on with our new house? Links to my favorite finds around the web?

Mr. and Mrs. B.

I got married. It actually happened. 

Just like with almost all big changes, I still look around and think "Is this really happening? Is this my life?" Like when I was unpacking and moving into his our house, and I put our little ring dish on the bathroom counter and realized "I'm a Mrs! I'm married!"

"How's married life?" is the question we get asked many many times a day lately.

There are so many layers and so many emotions that I wasn't expecting. And while a huge part of me wants to share, I refrain because I am still processing and it's too raw and too disorganized...and too personal. 

(Another side of me wants to respond with something snarky like "There is a lot more nudity" or "Worst decision of my life" or "My marriage is just fine. How's yours?")

But what i will say in response to "How's married life?":

*I have a sweet husband (but I already knew I was marrying a sweet man)

* I love waking up to his face every morning

*I'm really excited to see where life goes with my Mr. B.

3 Days

i don't even know what to say. i am feeling all of the feelings. 

Am i scared?

Terrified.

But i am also so confident in my decision. This marriage is a choice. Loving Mr B is a choice. I choose to love him and he chooses to love me. We choose one another and choose to commit to our family.

Some one asked Mr B, "When did you know that Jennifer was the one?" He responded, "It's not a matter of knowing, it is a matter of choosing."

Our favorite quote, one that we believe deeply, is by Lynn G. Robbins:

"True love is not something you fall in, but grow in. It is not happenstance as much as something you control, choose and act upon."

We have spent the last one and a half years growing our roots. Now that they are established and ever deepening, we are ready to start this family and see our love grow into a something beautiful. We know that if we continue to choose and act, we will see the fruits, like love, joy, and peace.

Thus we move forward with faith in the face of fear. We try to be realistic wrapped up in hope and faith. And i am pleased to start this adventure with such a strong, pure, selfless, gentle, GOOD man.

i can't keep my fingers out of those curls