i ran a marathon

On Saturday i ran the SLC, UT full marathon. 

It was an unbelievably emotional experience. i didn't know if i could really do it. Somewhere deep inside me i was still telling myself that i wasn't tough enough or strong enough or brave enough to really finish. i wasn't a REAL runner. 

The half marathon and the full started at the same place and time so i hung out with my runner friends at the start line--one doing the half and the other the full.

It was way colder than it looks. My legs turned purple.

At mile 9 there was a huge sign on the course that said "Half--run straight. Full--turn left." i felt myself choke up as i approached the sign. i was turning left. i was actually running a full!

i have been having major knee pain for about a month now, and there was no respite for the race. My knee almost took me down at mile 10. i didn't let it. But it made for a very long last 16.2 miles.

Throughout the entire race, my older sister sent me funny memes and encouraging texts. She kept me laughing even as the pain became intense. There were also SO MANY supporters there to cheer the runners on. i honestly don't think i went more than a 1/4 of a mile the entire race without someone clapping or holding up a sign or shouting out encouragement. Sometimes their signs made me smile. A few brought tears to my eyes, like the one that said "You are amazing" and the man who said "You are going to be a marathon finisher today!"

Just before mile 17, i saw my little brother and my friend, Mr B, at the corner. Ian shouted encouragement and asked how i was doing. Mr B had his running shoes on. He jumped onto the course and ran with me until mile 21. The whole time he told me how amazing i was, how much courage i had and how he knew i could do this. As he veered off the course, he shouted "I'm proud of you always!" Those words, followed shortly by a text from my sister that said "The miracle isn't that I finished, it is that I had the courage to start" once again got my emotions flowing. 

There were only five miles to go. i was hurting and kept thinking, "Pain. Pain. Pain." But i wasn't alone. My girlfriend had finished her half and started sending encouraging messages, including sending prayers my way. Other friends texted me their support. The other runners were there with me. Supporters offered popsicles, gummy bears and even bacon. i got this picture of my mom, sister and niece cheering me on from home (with the caption "Go Gigi!"):

You guessed it...more tears when i saw it

And then i was almost there. i could hear the band playing at the end. i could see the finish line. i knew that my groupies would be there waiting for me.

Coming into the final stretch

As i entered the final shoot, i ran as fast as i could make my body move. Mr B was waiting at the side and run along with me from behind the spectators.

Right before i crossed the finish line, i couldn't contain the emotions anymore and i threw my hands in the air and screamed as loud as i could.

Screaming for pure joy

i did it!!!!!

Then i had a medal around my neck. And Ian was there hugging me. And then the tears started. i did it. For the next few minutes, i just cried. When i thought i was done, my girlfriend hugged me and the tears continued. Then Mr B was there and i cried some more. And then my sis sent me the inspiration below and i cried some more.

When the tears stopped, all i could feel was gratitude. i am so grateful for my family who supported me from near and far. i am so grateful for my friends who prayed for me, texted me, ran with me and drove all the way down from Idaho to hug me at the finish line. i am so grateful for my body and the ability that i have to run so hard and so far. i am grateful for my legs that pushed through the pain and helped me to fly.

"Fly"

20 months ago i ran my first mile. After all of those months of running four days a week, five pairs of running shoes, so many early mornings, hundreds of laps on the track, suffering through muscle cramps, losing toenails and popping blisters, and THOUSANDS of miles, i did what i thought was the impossible for me. 

i ran a marathon.

 "Would the marathon runner feel the triumph of finishing the race had she not felt the pain of the hours of pushing against her limits?" -Dieter F Uchtdorf

Just Run

"Run. 

For your life, for your joy, for your calm and peace of mind.

Run. 

Because your legs are strong and your lungs are aching for the taste of air.

Run. 

Because what's the point of a life spent walking in the middle?"

(only the strong survive)

-Tyler Knott Gregson

Pictures from my 24 mile run on Saturday.

i'm burn out quick pace

i love Imagine Dragons' new album. It's my new favorite running playlist. i don't know if i could pick a favorite song, but i related to the lyrics of one song. Here are snippets of "Polaroid"

I'm a reckless mistake
I'm a cold night's intake
I'm a one night too long
I'm a come on too strong

All my life I've been living in the fast lane.
Can't slow down
I'm a rollin' freight train.
One more time
gotta start all over.
Can't slow down
I'm a lone red rover.

Oh, how did it come to this?

Oh, love is a polaroid;
Better in picture
but never can fill the void

Unfortunately, these words rang a little too true for me the first couple of times i listened to the song. i KNOW that i am an intense person. i can easily get sucked into the belief that the reason love hasn't worked out for me yet is that something is wrong with me--i live life too hard and therefore am too intimidating (or something like that).

A week or two ago i stumbled across this "affirmation:"

"Perhaps the problem is not the intensity of your love, but the quality of the people you are loving."

And i started re-evaluating my thought process. i am not going to slow my life down. i will keep running and progressing and traveling and LIVING. Rita Mae Brown said "About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you."

But the clencher for me to remember is that just because i am passionate, doesn't mean that i'm unlovable.
Also, there might still be someone out there who can keep up with me...and who loves me for me. And if there is not, that is ok too.

i have been reading Brene Brown again. She always inspires me to be brave and vulnerable and embrace myself for who i am. When i read, i want to highlight almost every sentence. One of my favorite of her quotes:

"Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging."

Today an incredibly good man looked me in the eyes and said, "You are a beautiful and remarkable woman." i was able to look him right back in the eyes and say, "Thank you! i appreciate that!" i was pleased to receive a compliment from someone like him...but it didn't change my self worth.

i am NOT a reckless mistake. And my story doesn't end now in "how did it come to this?" 

Jerash, Jordan

i knew from pictures in guidebooks that i would enjoy, Jerash...but i had no idea HOW MUCH i would love it. It is an ancient Roman city in northern Jordan from 100AD. Dad and i spent at least four hours combing over every part of the city. Each time we came to a new building, we were surprised to see something even neater than before. One of my favorite moments from the trip was walking the entire length of the Cardo Maximus, or the main street from the city, that even had ruts from chariots all those years ago. 

South Gate

See me? Those columns are enormous!

Looking out over Jerash

One of the three theaters

Gorgeous mosaic

Temple of Athena. Massive.

Temple of Athena from afar

Sitting on a sarcophagus

The Cardo

Stacks of stones

Fountain

Statuesque in a niche

i left my heart in Wadi Rum

i got to spend a couple days and a night in Wadi Rum in Jordan. We had a bedouin tour guide who drove us around the desert, put us up in his camp, and made us dinner and breakfast. It was my favorite place we visited during the trip. It was clean. Empty. Stark. Beautiful. Cold. Simple.

Driving through the desert

Camel hieroglyphics

That's me!

Our camp

Tea

Staying warm by the fire

My tent

On a sand dune

Because all of the frogs i've kissed are still frogs

i discovered that when you kiss a camel:

He turns into a bedouin:

And then the word got out among the herd that i was a good kisser and this happened:

i love camels.

And then i got to ride one ::huge grin::

Happiness is riding a camel.