Empire State of Mind

You know where i want to be?

...and so i am going.

i'm planning a trip sometime in October. Just a weekend trip. The focus will be the museums with a Broadway show thrown in there. Maybe some other site seeing. i will be keeping things as cheap as possible.

Who's with me? i'm serious...i would love to have some company. (Otherwise, i WILL go alone). The more the merrier. Get in touch with me if you are interested.


These streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you. Let's hear it for NEW YORK!!

Brahms and a book...

...soothing for the soul.

A few friends and my counselor recommended that i read something happy, light-hearted and fun. Well, i was already entrenched in a novel...Dostoevsky, actually. Hmm. Perhaps not the most "uplifting" of novels. However, being already immersed in the throes of the deceit, insanity, murder and corruption of the Karamazov brothers, i endeavored to finish. Now, a mere 100 pages away from the ending (in which, i am assured by Katie S, that all the main characters will die...as they always do in Russian literature) i believe that i made a correct choice in continuing this novel. i find catharsis in yelling at the loose women, cursing the bastard brothers with their desire for the immoral, and crying over the destruction that a lack of values leaves in its wake. Thank you, Dostoevsky, for another heartbreaking masterpiece; and thank you Brahms for supplying the soundtrack.

i leave you with two fitting Emily Dickinson poems:

XCIX
"There is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry.

This traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!"

LXXIV
"Unto my books so good to turn
Far ends of tired days;
IT half endears the abstinence,
And pain is missed in praise.

As flavors cheer retarded guests
With banquetings to be,
So spices stimulate the time
Till my small library.

It may be wilderness without,
Far feet of failing men,
But holiday excludes the night,
And it is bells within.

I think these kinsmen of the shelf;
Their countenances bland
Enamour in prospective,
And satisfy, obtained."

Obesession

Some of my recent infatuations:

*These songs (i listen to them several many times a day):

Titanium

Shake it Out

*Green Smoothies. My favorite recipe (because it's easy and delicious):

1 banana

1 peach

2 cups spinach

2 cups water

*Wii Fit Super Hula Hoop and Rythym Kung Fu. Dorky? Maybe. Silly? Definitely. Fun? i think so.

*11,002 things to be miserable about. by Lia Romeo and Nick Romeo. AND...i just discovered that they also have a  website and an iPhone ap! i never knew misery could make me so happy :)

*These yoga poses which have seriously released the tension in my back:

Malasana

Bridge Pose

*Journaling. Right now the pages are filled with disjointed, raw emotions--better out than in.

*My bathroom scale. i am absolutely amazed by the dramatic day to day fluctuations. Stress really makes my weight ride a rollercoaster.

*My friend, Rubi's beautiful blog.

*Essie's "A Cut Above" pink glitter polish. It's like a party on my toes.

*Colorblocking. I love it. Even if i'm not brave enough to do it myself.

Surviving

There have been situations in my life where i have grown to detest certain questions. i heard them over and over and never came up with a good answer. For example:

"How was your mission?"
"How is married life?"
"What are you going to do with your degree?"

Now there are two questions i cringe everytime i hear...

"How are you?"
"Are you ok?"

Whether they are said in passing or in sincere concern, i honestly have no clue how to respond. Do they want the truth? How much of the truth should i give? What is the truth? Sometimes i want to say, "My husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. How do you think i am? Would you be ok?" Usually i smile and say, "Fine, thanks. I'm fine."

After much thought i devised an answer that i believe encompasses the truth and yet won't make the questioner feel as uncomfortable as if i had said, "Life is shitty, thanks for asking."  i can quite sincerely say, "i'm surviving." That about sums my life up. i get up in the morning and get ready for the day. i eat (most of the time). i talk to the people around me. i work on organizing my 3-bedroom-2.5-bath-garage-huge-apartment-full of stuff into my one bedroom. i fight the desire to crawl under the covers and sleep/hide the hours away. i try to keep the birds from crying all day. i listen to classical music (no lyrics or memories that make me extra emotional). i veg with Erika. i get ready for bed. i close my door. i fall apart until i am so exhausted i collapse. i have more nightmares than good sleep. i repeat.

But i'm surviving. For three reasons: my family, my friends, my God.

My family...what can i even say about them? Erika and Chad pulled me into their home. They ignore my screaming birds and my occasional sulks. They let me fill up their garage with my boxes until i can pull myself together enough to get a storage unit. Stephanie reminds me that life will go on, but that i am allowed to mourn a bit right now. Ian prays for me (and who could ask for more than the prayers of a missionary). Mom helps me to be practical and take care of the stuff i just don't have the strength to deal with. Dad just knows me better than anyone and reminds me that i am still special and loved.

My friends text, email, call. You have been non-judgmental. Thank you for putting my name on the prayer roll. Thank you for sending me uplifting music (it does touch my heart ever so much). Thank you for calling even when i didn't think i wanted calls. For spending the time to come see me. Thank you for the texts (man am i happy when i hear my phone beep). For offering your homes to me. For being "there" even though some of you are so far away (well...all of you, now).

And i have a testimony. My prayers are heard. i am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and i love Him. Someday, i have faith and hope, i will find peace and happiness again.

Until then, i am surviving.

Micromanage

mi·cro·man·age[mahy-kroh-man-ij] verb (used with object), mi·cro·man·aged, mi·cro·man·ag·ing. To manage or control with excessive attention to minor details.

The following story is true (names/identities have been changed/withheld to protect the involved parties from being offended and therefore dropping away from the church).

A sign-up went around in Relief Society for volunteers to make a couple dozen cookies for an upcoming Stake Relieft Society Conference. I signed up without hesitating...what a simple way to help make someone else's life easier. Then the emails started.

Snippets of an email from the Coordinator of the Conference (directly quoted, mind you):

"Ladies,

It is time to make some cookies. You will find the recipes attached. Jennifer and Caroline are making the cranberry walnut cookies. Heather and Tanya are making the chocolate chip cookies. Erika and Ashley are making the English Toffee Chocolate Cookies.

We need each of you to make 2 dozen 3 inch cookies and drop them off at the stake center on Friday night at 7 pm. If you run into a problem and can not make the cookies or drop them off please let me know and I will make other arrangements. You can package them in something disposable please. They are going to repackage the cookies in some special way."

Wow. My emailed response? "How the hell do you make a '3 inch cookie'?!" (She didn't respond to that).

Then I read the recipes (because heaven forbid I should make my OWN version of chocolate chip cookies.) Here are certain winning phrases from the recipies:

"...Beat into shortening mixture until smooth. Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls (adjust amount dropped as needed to get a three inch cookie) about 2-inches apart on prepared baking sheets."

"...Place on cooling rack to cool completely. Store in airtight container when cooled."

"...Do not over bake--or you will be disappointed--cookies will become dry and crunchy."

Once again, wow. Store in an airtight container? Do not over bake? No...um...crap, Sherlock.

Then I received a follow up email instructing each baker to add one cup of chocolate chips to each recipe. Silly lady, she didn't instruct me whether I should add milk chocolate or semi-sweet! How am I supposed to make that decision on my own? (She didn't respond to that question, either).

**In the meantime** A sign up sheet was passed around for ladies to help "repackage" these cookies. But they didn't want cute little older ladies volunteering. In fact, they specifically asked only for people who knew how to tie "pretty bows." Hmm, I'm surprised there wasn't a picture of the exact type of bow they wanted tied and a clarification of what would be considered an "unpretty" bow.

Conclusion of the story, although SEVERALLY tempted to make 2.5 inch cookies on purpose, under bake them (because heaven forbid they should get dry and crunchy) and store them on an open platter, I followed the directions exactly as given.

BAM! 3 inches
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And the cookies weren't even that good.
 

"For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward."

D&C 58:26

Ambition

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." -John Lennon

Regardless, I still whole heartedly believe in making plans, and especially plans for your life. I also believe that "life plans" don't always need to focus on families, careers, financial security, and spiritual preparedness. Be a little selfish sometimes!! In other words, make a bucket list and then...as impractical or silly as some of those things may seem...dream about finishing it. Even better...DO IT!! Here is my bucket list (in no particular order).

**Updated: What is crossed off, i have accomplished since i wrote this list!***

JO's Bucket List:
*Hike Machu Picchu
*Drive a motorcycle
*Backpack across Europe
*Read the Bible from cover to cover
*Ride in a hot air balloon
*Get a cap on my peg lateral
*Drive from coast to coast (staying at Motel 6s and eating at diners if at all possible)
*Get scuba certified
*Make a pilgrimage
*Solve the Rubik's Cube
*Sleep on an overnight train
*Earn a PhD
*Read every book in my library
*Museum hop in New York (MoMA, Met, Guggenheim)
*Hike the Appalachian Trail
*Participate in a flash mob
*Visit the San Diego Zoo
*Rock a right hand solitaire (no less than a carat, please!) **Although it's not a solitaire, i now rock a gorgeous diamond right hand ring!
*Ride an elephant
*Achieve my ideal weight **i love myself no matter what my weight now. My ideal weight=exactly what i weigh right now!
*Live on all habitable continents
*Beat Jacob at Texas Hold 'Em
*Visit the seven "new" wonders of the world: Machu Picchu, Peru (already on list); the Coliseum, Rome; Petra, Jordan (CHECK!); Christ Redeemer, Brazil; The Great Wall of China; Chichen Itza, Mexico (CHECK!); The Taj Mahal, India
*See a show on Broadway
*Have a 2 year supply of food storage
*Spend a week at yoga retreat OR silent retreat
*Paint something that I would hang in my house
*Ride in a helicopter
*Visit Hogwarts :)
*Have a follower on my blog that I've never met
*Ride a camel
*Get Lasik surgery
*Learn a new word every day for an entire year
*Go to a midnight premier of a movie
*Have my hair styled at a salon that charges ridiculous fees (because it's THAT good)
*Write my life story
*Attend a masquerade

Things I would love to say that I've done, but not enough to actually do them:
*Run a marathon I DID IT!!!!
*Skydive
*Own a bookstore
*Play a game of Monopoly until the very end
*Get a tattoo
*Dive with sharks
*Have my name changed to be all lowercase letters

Things that were on my bucket list that are now completed (wooohooo):
*Be a beautiful bride
*Get a pixie cut
*Master a foreign language
*Fly first class
*Take an art class in an actual art museum
*Learn to drive a stick shift
*Live in Paris
*Swim with dolphins
*Graduate from college
*Paint a room in my house black
*Kiss the Blarney Stone



"Live as well as you dare." -Sydney Smith

So many books, so little time

At the moment, i find myself balanced in that awkward "in-between-books" stage...the one where i look at my ridiculously long "to-read" list and hear all the suggestions of friends and family and begin to break into a sweat trying to decide what book to pick up next. Do i indulge and re-read one of my favorites? Do i try to read a classic i have neglected? Do i tinker with some silly young adult fantasy series? Do i try and stay up to date on the latest in literature?

Although i have yet to pick the specific book, i have composed a list of 12 books never before read by me from which i will read until i have checked them all off. A large part of me is ashamed to admit that i have never read some of this literature; several i have started (even mulitple times) but never completed. i feel confused and overwhelmed at where to begin. Mostly, i am just thrilled at the delicious choices!

Fountainhead- Ayn Rand
Heart of Darkness- Joseph Conrad
Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
War and Peace- Leo Tolstoy
On the Road- Jack Kerouac
The Brothers Karamozov- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Jesus the Christ- James Talmage
Don Quixote- Miguel de Cervantes
Mistborn: The Alloy of Law- Brandon Sanderson
Madame Bovary- Gustave Flaubert
Uglies Series- Scott Westerfeld
On the Origin of Species- Charles Darwin

Suggestions on where to begin? (i request at the moment that you not give me more book ideas as this may cause me to quit my job, leave my church, neglect my home and my husband, lock myself in the back bedroom and subsist solely by feasting on the words of good literature.)