Anger

Things that make me instantly irate:

*Over sexualized hamburger commercials.

*Someone tailgating me (especially when I'm not going under the speed limit).

*When customers are rude and entitled--and especially when they don't treat me like a human being.

*When I get my orange all peeled and it smells SO good, and then I bite into it and it's dry and unflavorful.

*When people name their children stupid, made up names or spell normal name retarded.

*When I get half way through dinner and realize that even with meal planning and grocery shopping, I forgot an essential ingredient.

*Hearing a song on the radio that I love and when I pull it up on Spotify to add to my playlist, I find out it has the "f" word in it (which was edited out on the radio).

*After saying "Hi, I'm Jennifer!" the person responds by automatically calling me "Jenn."

*Stubbing my toe.

*Waking up 20 mins before my alarm goes off.

Lyrics that speak to me

When I heard Hilary Weeks perform this song a couple of weeks ago, I had tears streaming down my face. I imagined myself when I was 19 and first met my ex and how I thought I knew where my life would go from there. I imagined myself when I was 27 and going through a divorce and how I thought I knew where my life would go from THERE. And then I looked around at where I was NOW....and I understood exactly what this song meant:

"I had it all mapped out in front of me, knew just where I wanted to go.
But life decided to change my plans and I found a mountain in the middle of my road.
I knew there was no way to move it, so I searched for a way around.
Broken-hearted I started climbing and at the top I found-- 

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view:

Now that I'm here I would never trade the grace that I feel and the faith that I find through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.
I used to pray He'd take it all away but instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed my heart would make it and I thought about turning around.
But Heaven has shown me miracles I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine because there's one thing that I know--He picks up the pieces along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through was the price that I paid to see this view:

Now that I'm here I would never trade the grace that I feel and the faith that I find through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.
I used to pray He'd take it all away but instead it became
A beautiful heartbreak"
(listen to the song here)

Splash of color

Saturday I finally moved my stuff into what was Mr B's kitchen and is now OUR kitchen. (Don't judge that it took me so long!)

A pattern soon became apparent as my stuff ended up next to his.

Guess which casserole dish is mine?

And which stack of towels?

Picking up on the pattern?

I know which plates that *I* would grab :)

Apparently, SOMEONE had to add some color to Mr B's plain white world.

I'm so glad that someone is me.

Uncertain

I've been baffled as to what to do with this blogging space of mine. During my morning runs, I write and rewrite posts in my head. Then, later, I either decide that I didn't have enough oxygen when composing, or I just don't take the time to actually type it.

Consequently, I get behind on the things that I want to share, which means I don't post about the things happening NOW because I really DO want to post about all the things that happened last week, and last month, and the month before that.

For example, I haven't shared about our adventures to Zion and hiking Angel's Landing:

Or when my nephew came to play with me:

I didn't share anything about our latest trip to Yellowstone:

Then there was the day my niece and I had matching hair:

And now I have a NEW niece and nephews with whom to go adventuring:

+

Even though we haven't hiked as much, we made it to the top of Table Mountain, up by the Tetons:

And even though we haven't raced as much, we did get handed medals by Storm Troopers at the end of our last half marathon:

Not to mention, I now have our ENTIRE honeymoon, loads of wedding pictures (and I never even shared all of my favorite engagement pictures!)

So where do I go from here? What do YOU want to see? Honeymoon? Wedding? Confessions of an adjusting new (and older) wife? What's going on with our new house? Links to my favorite finds around the web?

Mr. and Mrs. B.

I got married. It actually happened. 

Just like with almost all big changes, I still look around and think "Is this really happening? Is this my life?" Like when I was unpacking and moving into his our house, and I put our little ring dish on the bathroom counter and realized "I'm a Mrs! I'm married!"

"How's married life?" is the question we get asked many many times a day lately.

There are so many layers and so many emotions that I wasn't expecting. And while a huge part of me wants to share, I refrain because I am still processing and it's too raw and too disorganized...and too personal. 

(Another side of me wants to respond with something snarky like "There is a lot more nudity" or "Worst decision of my life" or "My marriage is just fine. How's yours?")

But what i will say in response to "How's married life?":

*I have a sweet husband (but I already knew I was marrying a sweet man)

* I love waking up to his face every morning

*I'm really excited to see where life goes with my Mr. B.

3 Days

i don't even know what to say. i am feeling all of the feelings. 

Am i scared?

Terrified.

But i am also so confident in my decision. This marriage is a choice. Loving Mr B is a choice. I choose to love him and he chooses to love me. We choose one another and choose to commit to our family.

Some one asked Mr B, "When did you know that Jennifer was the one?" He responded, "It's not a matter of knowing, it is a matter of choosing."

Our favorite quote, one that we believe deeply, is by Lynn G. Robbins:

"True love is not something you fall in, but grow in. It is not happenstance as much as something you control, choose and act upon."

We have spent the last one and a half years growing our roots. Now that they are established and ever deepening, we are ready to start this family and see our love grow into a something beautiful. We know that if we continue to choose and act, we will see the fruits, like love, joy, and peace.

Thus we move forward with faith in the face of fear. We try to be realistic wrapped up in hope and faith. And i am pleased to start this adventure with such a strong, pure, selfless, gentle, GOOD man.

i can't keep my fingers out of those curls

#5 in my 5th in under 5

i'm not bragging when i tell you how many miles i ran. It's just so you don't judge me when i devour a whole pizza.


On Saturday i ran my 5th marathon. i had bib #5. Aaaaand, it was my absolute hardest and slowest marathon. i thought that in order to keep up with my 5, 5, 5 thing, it would mean i would finish 5th. Hahaha. i did keep up with it...by barely squeaking by in under 5 hours.

i learned the hard way that it might not be the best idea to run a marathon 20 days before getting married. On top of all of the wedding/marriage/moving stress, it was one of the most stressful work weeks i've had in a very long time. Then, when adding the physical and emotional and mental stress of a marathon, a complete meltdown ensues.

i started off just fine! i was running the Teton Dam Marathon, commemorating the 40th anniversary of the Teton Dam breaking. When it broke, it flooded the towns of Teton, Newdale, Sugar City and Rexburg. So, us runners were "flooding" the streets of those same towns. We started up at the old Teton Dam site.

Before we started running, i stripped down to my tank and shorts....and i wasn't even a little bit chilly. i hadn't started running, wasn't in the sun and it was 6:15am. i knew right then that i was in trouble.

i ran the first 10 miles or so with an amazing gentleman from Australia (who also happened to be a "marathon man" and was therefore running in a super hero costume, complete with blue spandex and red cape). He took these shots of me as we ran and talked our way through the countryside.

By the time i parted ways with him, i could feel my face totally flushed already and realized that i had been chatting more than paying attention to hydrating. i knew that i needed to drink water at every subsequent aid station.

Once i hit mile 15, there was a four mile stretch with no water. i was all a mess from there. When i hit mile 21, i didn't think i was going to be able to finish. i had already been running for just under 4 hours with not enough water and in full sun in mid-70 degree weather with no breeze.

Like i said,  the physical, emotion and mental stress finally became unbearable. i fell apart. This is what it looked like:

1- Texting Mr B at mile 23 (TWENTY THREE! Just 3 miles to go!) begging for him to come get me because i couldn't finish.

2- When i finally did finish, curling up in a ball on the grass and sobbing because i finished much slower than last time and WAY slower than my fastest time. So that must mean that i'm fat and lazy and a snail could have beaten me.

3- Throwing a temper tantrum when Mr B wouldn't let me eat the ENTIRE extra large pizza (even though i had just burned over 3,000 calories!), but made me stop at half.

This is me pretending that i'm happy i ran all those miles:

This is me pretending that i'm not furious at Mr B that 

1- He made me finish

2- He got 3rd place in his age category in the half marathon when i felt like i failed

Once i got lots of water and some food in me, got out of my running shoes, took a bath and a short nap, i was feeling much more reasonable.

i realized that i was so glad for Mr B for helping to get me across the finish line. Sure, he didn't pick me up in his car like i wanted, but he was right there with me the last three miles, driving alongside, giving me water and telling me that he was proud of me. He told me it was ok if i had to walk. He supported me in all the best ways.

i also am super proud of him for placing! He ran hard and it was hot. His success doesn't make my race any more or less. 

i know that i'm not lazy or fat (although i was slow) and i know it was not a failure. As one of my running buddies said "Running a marathon is never ever failing. It is a huge accomplishment and it never ceases to be a huge feat, emotionally and physically." i just needed to redefine what success for me was. i can learn from this race and improve. Even if my TIME doesn't improve, my attitude sure could :) 

Lastly, i DID eat more pizza....but i am glad i waited a bit (because of Mr B) and let some of it settle. i probably would have made myself sick otherwise. 

And so i survived that dam marathon. Good riddance.